Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
