You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
