Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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