I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Couch. On fire.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
