I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
