i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
