Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I currently don't understand fingers.
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