you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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