Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
ttyl tear gas
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
