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Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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