is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
