i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
