lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
