im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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