you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
