Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
