Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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