I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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