wakey wakey hands off snakey
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
