I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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