is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
