She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
