just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
