i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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