Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
