It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
