so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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