Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
