dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
