i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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