So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
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