Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
