apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
