My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
