I want you more than these girls want KFC
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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