I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
