Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
