It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize