I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Sext me about skeletons
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
