This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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