I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
