Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
