i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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