i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
