wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
