And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize