the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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