Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
