the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
