wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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