You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
