ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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