he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
