I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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