i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize