all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
