I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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