the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just found puke in my bra..
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
