The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
i now understand why vodka
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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