her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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