my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
