its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
How does one acquire holy water?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
