no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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