just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
