Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize