I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
