the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
