Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
