The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
