Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
