i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
