Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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