Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
