you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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