If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
