I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
