I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
