Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
