Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
