i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
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