i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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