I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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