In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
