I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
