Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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