I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
