you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
