and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Randomize
