No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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