12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
