he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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