I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
