All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize