i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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