i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
