I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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