um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
