I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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