Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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