Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
