Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
